


missing half of me

by merlinemrys (divineauthor)



Series: filipinopercy’s 600 follower celebration [6]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drabble, Episode Related, Episode: s04e06 A Servant of Two Masters, Jealous Arthur, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, POV Arthur, Pre-Slash, Season/Series 04, Tumblr Prompt, just a little bit yk... as a treat, there's no arwen lol, this technically could be seen as pre-slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23897911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divineauthor/pseuds/merlinemrys
Summary: For the first time in days ever since Merlin disappeared, Arthur finally fell asleep in his bed, exhausted and weary. But when he did, he dreamt in red, the sky a glazed crimson as if the gods themselves were bleeding, crying out at the impiety below them. He was kneeling, his Pendragon cape sprawled over a lump in the mud. A hand was the only thing visible, stark and pale. Lifeless. He knew whose hand that belonged to — how could he not? He had seen that hand dress him, feed him, heal him. He had seen that hand (those hands) in better dreams than this. Arthur reached out, trembling as he hovered over the cloth.But before he could reveal the man beneath it, Arthur bolted upwards in his bed, breathing heavily.—•—Arthur’s worrying himself sick over Merlin’s disappearance.
Relationships: Gwen & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: filipinopercy’s 600 follower celebration [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1711804
Comments: 14
Kudos: 261





	missing half of me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ryekat99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryekat99/gifts).



> dedicated to reilly !!! thank you for sending in a prompt for my [600 follower celebration](https://biannabethchase.tumblr.com/post/615882901030141952/biannabethchase-hiiiii-i-just-reached-600) !!!
> 
> prompt: “Nobody’s seen you in days.”
> 
> title from: one direction’s “if i could fly”

For the first time in days ever since Merlin disappeared, Arthur finally fell asleep in his bed, exhausted and weary. But when he did, he dreamt in red, the sky a glazed crimson as if the gods themselves were bleeding, crying out at the impiety below them. He was kneeling, his Pendragon cape sprawled over a lump in the mud. A hand was the only thing visible, stark and pale. Lifeless. He knew whose hand that belonged to — how could he not? He had seen that hand dress him, feed him, heal him. He had seen that hand ( _those hands_ ) in better dreams than this. Arthur reached out, trembling as he hovered over the cloth. 

But before he could reveal the man beneath it, Arthur bolted upwards in his bed, breathing heavily. He wouldn’t sleep. Couldn’t. Not again. 

He stared out his window, watching the moon hang lowly in the sky. It looked duller than usual, the thin haze of grey covering its shine. He pushed his sweaty hair out from his forehead and got up, the chill of the room seeping into his bones. The cold ground beneath him stung his feet, but it felt like a welcome from the heat he felt. 

He hadn’t let a servant tend to the fire in his chambers ever since Merlin left. It didn’t feel right. As he moved, his eyes caught a glimpse of his cape hanging over his folding screen and he grimaced. He stalked over and grabbed the cape before shoving it away from his vision. He lit up a candle and headed back towards his desk. There was no use in trying to go back to sleep. Grabbing a piece of spare parchment, ink and quill, and a map of Albion, he set out to listing all the places Merlin could be again. He worked through the night until dawn broke and Guinevere entered his chambers with breakfast. She was the only one he let in nowadays. 

“Oh, you’re awake,” she noted with a hint of disapproval, setting down his plate away from the mess on his desk. She could no doubt see the fatigue in his eyes. “Arthur, you know it’s not healthy to—”

“Thank you, Guinevere,” he interrupted. She closed her mouth with a snap and guilt welled up inside him. He continued anyway, “For breakfast.”

She grabbed his hand with hers and he looked up. There was a solemn look in her gaze that made him soften. She said, “You’re my friend, Arthur. And you know that I want Merlin back as much as you do, but ruling the kingdom like this isn’t good for finding Merlin, let alone Camelot.”

Truth rang in her words and it hurt at how much she was right. He pressed a kiss to her thumb and sighed. 

“I know,” he spoke plainly, as she released his hand. “Thank you. Truly. Your council means a great deal to me.”

He rubbed his eyes, as if trying to wipe away his exhaustion. Guinevere nodded and left him on his own. He ate, barely tasting the food in his mouth before he got dressed for another day. His fingers clumsily laced up his trousers and tunic, shoving his boots on without any fanfare. The space where Merlin should be was a gaping wound and Arthur was enough of a man to admit that he’d rather deal with the emptiness rather than employ another servant to do Merlin’s job. 

His councilmen were more frustrating than usual without Merlin’s quick witted whispered barbs behind him. But when his knights and uncle came back, congregating in front of him, a spark of hope flared in his chest. They looked at each other warily before Agravaine said, “We have scoured the forest.”

“Scour it again,” he ordered, but Leon glanced at him with kind eyes. 

“Sire, there is no sign of Merlin,” Leon said. Agravaine came forward, his footsteps echoing the throne room like a warning sign. Arthur rubbed his temples, feeling world-weary of it all. 

“None, but this,” his uncle said before he placed a bloodied piece of cloth on top of his map. From Merlin’s jacket. Arthur stared at it blankly, any semblance of hope had disappeared. Agravaine continued, “I’m sorry you have lost such a loyal and—”

Arthur raised his hand, stopping the pitying words falling from his uncle’s mouth. He pursed his lips and took a deep breath, wringing his hands together. It was weak to look so concerned in front of all his men, but Arthur didn’t care anymore. He asked, “The mercenaries, what news of them?”

“We found no trace, sire,” Leon reported, shifting on his feet. 

“Surely sent by that snake, Alinor,” Agravaine said, moving behind him. 

“It can’t be,” Arthur said, shaking his head. “How? Our route was known only to a few within Camelot.”

“Then there is only one conclusion we can draw,” Leon added. “We have a traitor in our midst.”

The weight of Leon’s words weighed heavily on his heart. Another traitor. When will Arthur be rid of those who betrayed him? 

Arthur convened council and headed back towards his chambers, already forming a plan in his head to scour the damn forests himself to search for Merlin. He finally fell asleep, his dreams still tainted red, but Merlin wasn’t dead yet. His cape was back on his shoulders and Merlin was slow to respond, but his chest moved with barely visible breath. And even in that hellscape, Arthur was relieved. 

He woke up in a daze the next day, only one mission in mind. He fielded off Guinevere’s concerns as he was leaving, mounting his horse in a smooth movement. Gwaine was with him. Usually, the pinch of jealousy Arthur always held when Merlin and Gwaine interacted flared up, but now it was absent. He was just glad that Merlin had Gwaine’s deep loyalty. 

They rode off out of Camelot and into the woods. They were a good half hour into their search, Gwaine’s inane chattering filling his ears when Arthur heard a sound, a groan. He stopped, holding out a hand for Gwaine to pause as well. 

The sound was distinctly human and both he and Gwaine dismounted, Arthur unsheathing his sword in an instant. He walked forward, his weapon at his side at the ready. He ordered, “Declare yourself.”

A man, muddied up, walked out. Arthur raised his sword, squinting to get a better look. The man laughed and it rang in his ears, familiar and warm and so happy. Arthur’s eyes widened and he couldn’t help the surprised _“Merlin!”_ that escaped his chest. 

Merlin laughed again, grinning stupidly and Arthur felt the world being righted once again. Arthur walked forward, Merlin doing the same, as he plunged his sword into the ground. 

“I thought we’d lost you,” he breathed out, smiling as stupidly as Merlin was. He didn’t mind that Merlin was dirty and smelled like the mess he crawled out of, he just pulled him into a hug. He said, softer now, “Nobody’s seen you in days.”

“Sorry,” Merlin said, hugging him back just as tightly. Arthur almost scoffed. Only an idiot would apologise for being hurt and stranded alone. It should be him to apologise for leaving him like that, defenceless and wounded. 

He let go and said instead, cheeks hurting from smiling so widely, “Let’s go home.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed !!!! find me on [tumblr](http://merlinemrys.tumblr.com/) :D & if you want you could reblog the [fic post](https://biannabethchase.tumblr.com/post/616673017275285504/i-need-the-blog-compliment-at-this-point) too !!!


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